Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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