We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
