shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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