i think i have two assholes
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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