Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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