So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
