I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
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Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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