DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
