Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Fuck appropriateness.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
