Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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