He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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