ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
