I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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