she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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