ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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