someone get that fucking seahorse.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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