I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
