When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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