people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
