I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
