i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
