Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
