I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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