why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
what is it with giant penises always finding me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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