i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
