I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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