is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
