Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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