To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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