My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
