dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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