3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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