So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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