Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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