Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
