he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
