The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
