I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
