nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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