Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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