It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
