Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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