Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
