I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
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The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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