my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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