there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
