like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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