i permit you to call me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
