I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
