So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm getting married
To pizza
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
