i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
