I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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