I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
