Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
