you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Boobs are out for the taking
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
