Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
