can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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