You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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