go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
