I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
