Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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