a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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