You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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