btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
