Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
