peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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