Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
