I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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