so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
